Functionally awake a definition of success

October 7, 2021 â€" 9.00pm

George Zivkovic of Northmead is clearly champing at the bit. “Given that next Monday will probably be when NSW opens up again and coincides with the birthstone of Opal for the day, could this mean that travel on public transport might also be free for the fully vaccinated?” What could possibly go wrong?

Having been a science teacher long enough to notice patterns in project ideas, Greg Oehm of Moss Vale states there is “a certain mind-numbing inevitability that Year 10 students will choose ‘What keeps flowers freshest longest?’ as the topic of their mandatory Science Research Project. Having read quite a few reports of such experiments, the only thing I can conclude is that not one of the additives (aspirin, the sachets, sugar, bleach, etc) actually work and that plain water is best.”

When George Manojlovic of Mangerton told his dear old mum about “burning flowers to preserve them (C8), she thought it sounded silly. I noticed some in her vase, so I gave it a go. Mum was right. They just melted and the black smoke was putrid.”

“Those responsible for perpetrating the abuse of flowers (C8) deserve a bouquet of triffids,” scolds Garry Champion of Jamisontown. After reading of the tortures that people have been inflicting on the severed reproductive parts of plants, just to prolong their miserable lives, this sounds like a bit of botanical justice.

Of the many emails Mary Cameron of St Lucia (Qld) has received asking “How did we do” following purchases of goods or services, the weirdest one “was from the anaesthetist following recent day surgery. How to answer? ‘I don’t know I was asleep’, or ‘I woke up, so it must have been OK’?”

A timely proposal for crossword and dictionary compilers on how to indicate vaccination status from Bob Lions of Killara. “Vaxed: had one dose or started the process. Vaxxed: had two doses or fully vaccinated. Vaxxxed: had any recommended boosters as required. Short, sharp and to the point!”

“Yes, Richard, Glasgow is north of Moscow but the River Clyde never freezes,” writes Susan McLaren of Windradyne. “This is thanks to the Gulf Stream. Controlling the rain, however, is another matter.”

Bryan (Mc)Hayes of Dumore sounds off. “Aye, it’s all very well for yon Sassenach blethering on aboot global warming making parts of Scotland almost habitable (C8), but what aboot us Curlers? Our outdoor Curling ponds are nay freezing any more, ye ken. Desperate days indeed.”

Column8@smh.com.au

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